Filed under: Diary entries
Today is my 300th day of filming.
I don’t know exactly when it happened but a shift has taken place. The project doesn’t feel like it is defining my life any more. The idea of being here for another two months without leaving doesn’t feel strange or restricting. Having spent months counting the days, it now feels as though there isn’t enough time. There are things I want to get done by the summer and a massive backlog of footage to capture. Due to the nature of time perception, because I want things to slow down, of course, the opposite is happening. Time is flying. It is lovely here right now; wild flowers and sunshine, walks to be had on the beach, in the woods and lots and lots of visitors.
Someone suddenly and unexpectedly died on Knoydart yesterday. He was a sculptor, a difficult and lonely man. He had a heart attack in the village while helping to move a boat. Me and my sister watched the helicopter come with the paramedics. Later we watched a boat leave with his body. His death was another reminder of the randomness of life, of its frailty and the question of what you choose to leave behind. Mark made lots of enemies but he also left behind sculptures that strangers will enjoy. A fisherman holding a small child’s hand on Mallaig pier.
I have thought lots about this project over the last ten months, researched ideas about time, photography and documentation. Watched related films and had a more intense relationship with the internet than at any other time in my life. I have spent a lot of time talking to people about how we live and die, listening to their ideas and responding back.
I have found myself listing the significant events of the year so far, two visits by sister, two by mum, one black eye, one tabloid small frenzy, one death on the peninsular. It feels like it is time to start collating my thoughts and experiences somehow. To crystalise what have I learnt as a result of all of this.
I feel quite certain I have changed as a result of this year, but I am also quite sure that fundamentally I am still the same person. Like the weather, the tides and the seasons overall we change a lot less over time than it feels like. And so the question rises itself again of what we do with the time that we are given.
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